Am I the only one who goes through the myriad of buckles and snaps to strap his kid into the car seat and then forgets to strap the car seat to the car?
There has got to be a better way. Hopefully someone out there is inventing a car that already comes equipped with car seats that will be versatile enough to be used until a child is old enough to ride without it. I will be first in line. Take a second mortgage on my home. Maybe even rent out my baby just for the joy of not having to deal with all of this car seat madness for the rest of my life.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my Baby Ham and she seems to enjoy riding/napping in the car, but the mechanics of us getting on the road safely can sometimes cause me to just stay at home.
I live in the Hollywood Hills, and sometimes when I am in a hurry to make an appointment, I forget to use the seat belt to strap the car seat to the car. Then as I am winding my way down the hill and around a curve, I hear the car seat slide across the back seat or tilt to the side. My heart leaps out of my chest, up through my throat and into my mouth where I bite it hard just to punish myself for being so stupid and putting my Baby Ham at risk. While my Baby Ham is laughing and pumping her fists for more stunt driving, I pull over, jump out of the car, strap the car seat into place, then continue our trip while cursing myself and praying to the Lord above that someone will hear my plea for a vehicle equipped with guilt free baby safety devices.
There was a time when it took me less than fifteen minutes to get ready and go anywhere...okay, maybe less than 20 minutes. Those days are long gone. Now if I have a 10am appointment, I have to be ready to leave the house at least 45 minutes before my normal departure time (if the baby doesn’t wake up on schedule, or she doesn’t feel like eating until she is ready - add another 45 minutes and a phone call apologizing and explaining why I’m going to be late.)
What takes me so long to get out of the house? Well, I have to make sure the baby is dressed, fed, and something is done with her tuffs of hair. Hair is quite a challenge as she hates for me to come near her with anything resembling a comb or brush. When she sees either of these items, she becomes a crawling Jackie Joyner Kersee and takes off waddling across the room as fast as she can.
After I catch her, I sit her on my lap so she can’t get away as I apply some product to her hair. (She’s Black, and while she is no nappy-headed “what Imus said” she does NEED hair product.) She wiggles and bounces and grabs onto me, rubbing her hair onto my clothes staining whatever I am wearing. This causes me to brush her hair as quickly as possible to put an end to this ordeal. Can she really be that devious and clever at eleven months old?
All right, so I have her hair done and she’s dressed, then I have to change my shirt -which probably means ironing. Next I have to make sure the diaper bag is stocked, figure out exactly how long we will be away from home and pack her diapers, bottles, food and snacks and toys accordingly. By this time I am sweating, but that’s okay, when I get in the car I turn the air conditioner up to full blast and point all the vents toward my face to air dry.
By the time my Baby Ham is strapped in and I'm backing out of the garage, I am either amazed that I did it in time, or horrified that I am going to be late and get the “now that he’s a dad he’s not as sharp as he used to be” look from people who used to know me when.
Being a stay at home dad, can be a wonderful, fun and rewarding experience. It can also be exhausting, humiliating, BORING and gut wrenching, at least to me. I wonder...am I the only one...?
